You Only Live Twice
by KeyOfDancingMelodies
Summary: All work and no play makes Axel, Roxas and Demyx very unhappy Nobodies. After a night off from work to reconnect, Axel decides it's time the 9 to 5 grind stopped, and that they need to get out of that castle for a well-deserved break. On his terms. (Rated for language, immature non-graphic bedroom humour and general tomfoolery.) ((Non-yaoi, buddy fic))
1. Prologue: It Starts with a Spark

They were in trouble when they got back, that much they had known all along. But somehow it made the idea all the more appealing, and with a casual, uncaring attitude of 'to hell with it', they slunk off one afternoon with no intention of coming back until the sun had risen the next morning. As far as the three of them were concerned, they'd all been working hard for four months straight now with no days off and little free time. They needed this time to slow down, relax and reconnect with each other after nothing more than fifteen minute glimpses every so often.

"Was there much point bringing a tent?" Demyx asked in a whisper, smirking as he gazed at the campfire contently. Axel just grunted and slightly cuffed him around the ear, but otherwise was also quite happy. They'd pitched up a small campsite in a meadow far from anything else and after making sure it wouldn't spread and cause chaos, lit a small fire to keep them warm as the night drew closer. Axel and Demyx were laid on their stomachs facing the fire side by side, arms folded in front of them and heads resting on said arms. Roxas – who had been the last to finish his mission that day – had crashed out for the count on Axel's back, sleeping soundly like a cat that had found an electric blanket.

"Just sayin'. Seems Junior isn't about to move, and that leaves you stuck there. I'd feel bad taking the tent all for myself," Demyx mumbled on, sleepy and still smiling as he raised his front up a little to rest a cheek on a hand and look at Axel now.

"S'fine... I'm just hoping he doesn't drool: his mouth is on my neck."

The Nocturne chuckled and gazed back at the fire. "Think it's starting to die."

At once Axel gave a lazy sigh, feeding the fire his breath. It shook a little then resumed burning happily. To help, Demyx lifted a nearby twig and prodded the firewood hiding in the flames. A cosy crackle came up for a few seconds, somehow further ensnaring them in a spell of near-dozing. They fell into silence; comfortable and homely silence.

"This kid's breath tickles so. Damn. Bad."

"Don't laugh, it'll wake him."

Axel whined and nuzzled his head into his arms a little, trying to escape Roxas' accidental tickling, and succeeding a little. Demyx watched, smiling. "He looks so warm and comfortable. Maybe I should start using you as a pillow."

"'m not a teddy bear."

"... you have no idea how much of an urge I just had to snuggle you in teasing just now. But heh, don't want to wake the little guy up."

"Gay."

"Says the guy currently being topped by Roxas. In his sleep."

Both men broke into quiet laughs, too tired to care if it wasn't funny or not. A moth had discovered the fire and was haphazardly dancing with it. Axel watched it then gently nudged his head to the side. Obeying, the fire followed and captured the insect, frazzling it in midflight and sending it dropping dead and smouldering in the dirt. Demyx tutted. "Don't like them," Axel muttered before yawning lengthily.

"I like them better than butterflies."

"Try liking them when riding a motorcycle at night."

"You can ride a bike?"

A slow nod. "Not legally," a cheeky mumble admitted as an afterthought. Demyx gave a small grunt as if he had expected such an answer and gave a delayed imitation of Axel's earlier yawn. "Was when I was younger. Took this girl for a ride. No helmet. No scarf. Nothing. Was spitting insects for the rest of the date. S'fair to say I didn't get laid that night."

"You don't say?"

"Turns out she had gonorrhea anyway, so no real loss on my part."

"... wow. Yeaaah, that was kind of... too much information."

Axel just shrugged tiredly, eyes drooping. After a while of quiet pause, he yawned then asked, "so you seriously never had a girlfriend in school?"

"Yeah..."

"Not even a fuck buddy?"

"Axel."

"But man, you're like, the son of a celebrity: you imust/i have had girls crawling all over you."

Demyx sighed and rolled his head onto the crook of his elbow. "I guess I did... but none of the girls I wanted to have a relationship with. They were all the nasty girls, the bullies. They wore too much makeup, dressed like whores, had all the same hair, the same voices, the same kind of laugh. I didn't like them. Might be why I don't get along with Larxene: she's such a bully who thinks she's sex on legs."

Axel actually chuckled. "She told me she doesn't like you because you are too 'nice' and spineless."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Another laugh from the redhead, but he instantly quietened down again when Roxas whined in his sleep and clung on like a baby koala. Demyx reached over to stroke the boy's hair, and at once soothed, he was in blissful slumber once more. Still stroking, Demyx sighed then whispered – more to not disturb Roxas again – "believe me, I _wanted_ a girlfriend at school, but I was too nervous to approach anyone I liked. Besides, I was worried those nasty girls would get jealous and bully any girl I paid attention to. I got by without, though, so it's not much of a big deal now. I'm okay being single right now. It just... doesn't ever cross my mind much anymore."

Axel nodded and grinned, eyes closing. "Sensible."

"And here I was expecting teasing."

"Nah, man. I get you. Sometimes you just need some air. Not saying it's fun to be alone all the time, I mean, s'why we're even here tonight. But having someone on your back the whole time – stop laughing – having someone on your back the whole time, pawing at you for attention and expecting you to spare every moment of free time with them is just... not ideal."

Demyx let his smile and his hand drop, resting on his side facing Axel now. "Well... to be honest, I think I'd _enjoy_ that... knowing someone wanted me with them, wanted me to spoil them and take care of them. It sounds... wonderful to me. But it's not like I'm lonely right now without someone in my life like that. I mean, I've got you guys, and Xigbar's pretty awesome too. I can play my sitar whenever, I have a good outlook, healthy appetite, decent sleeping patterns and I've got a better physique than most guys my age. I'm doing pretty well right now, and I'm fine not adding something else to the equation right now, even if it'd make my life even better."

Another nod from Axel. "So long as you're happy, bro."

Another silence. Another little moth turned up. This time Axel spared it and just watched it flutter in panic, hypnotised by the flames. He watched it carefully for what seemed like hours, then wondered why Demyx had been so quiet. Glancing only his eyes over to the side, he smirked: the Nocturne was sleeping peacefully, his fringe in his eyes making his eyelashes give vain little twitches to fend off the hair.

"Night," Axel mumbled in amusement, letting the fire die to a safe amount to be left unattended, before deciding sleep sounded really good right now. He pushed his face into his folded arms and got comfortable. Before he slipped into sleep, he warmed up his body for the other two so they wouldn't get chills in the night.

* * *

When Roxas finally woke up, it was still dark. The fire was in its last dying embers but the moonlight above helped illuminate the area. Demyx was curled up right against Axel, who also appeared completely asleep. Blinking sluggishly, Roxas soon deduced he must have been woken up by Demyx nuzzling his head between theirs, resting it now on Axel's shoulder blade, scalp to scalp with Roxas. The teenager yawned and settled down again, repositioning himself to make room for the new addition to the heap of sleepy bodies. Evidently he hadn't done it gently enough, as Demyx gave a stiff breath then rolled a little, murmuring Roxas' name in question as his glassy teal eyes slipped open momentarily.

"Sorry... did I wake you?"

Demyx squinted as if pained, thinking about his answer as if it was a genuine effort. Another stiff breath. "Think... yeah... s'okay..." The Nocturne seemed to be sincere, smiling briefly as his eyes closed again. "You sleep okay?"

"Mm."

"Good. Slept all evening."

"Did I?" They both sounded as dead beat as each other, as if only just grasping consciousness. Roxas yawned again. Demyx nodded, then grinned. "Probably given Axel broken back."

"You're not much better."

"Mmh. He's iwarm/i, shup."

"You're warm too," Roxas admitted, moving closer to rest his head on Demyx's side and at once receiving a loose cuddle.

"You can't still be sleepy: kid, you've been out all evening."

"Not so sleepy no more. Just comfortable. I think I needed this. S'nice being with you two again."

"Tell m'bout it. Work is such a damn chore. I've got bruises on the soles of m'feet from running around so much. Next opportunity I get, 'm booking a massage somewhere."

"Don't tell Axel, but I got a scratch on my leg today and it's starting to hurt again now."

Demyx opened his eyes again, tiredly concerned. "You shouldn't hide injuries, Roxas..."

"I didn't want to miss this evening. We'd been planning this all week. S'only a scratch."

"Roxas, your 'only a scratch'es tend to become 'crap, that's bad's. Remember that 'scratch' on your chest that got infected?"

"But this one _is_ just a scratch. Honest. A Shadow swiped me from behind when I was on mission. That's all."

"Roxas..." A sigh. Demyx lifted his arm and flicked Roxas' head gently. "... idiot. Want me to take a look?"

A shaken head, though the way Roxas was laying, it was more a roll from side to side. Regardless Demyx put a hand on the boy's head and mumbled a cure spell, a brief green aura glowing in the night before it died into dim blue moonlight once more.

"Thanks."

"Welcome. Now stop getting hurt on missions. You make us worry."

"Sorry. I just can't seem to help it."

Demyx sighed, knowing they all got hurt during missions every so often, it wasn't like Roxas went looking for those injuries. "... you know, these past four months of missions could have seriously wounded us – any of us – at any second."

"You broke your ankle, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but... but my point is I've just realised how fragile we are. Axel would laugh at me if he heard me saying this, but this evening is the first time I've felt safe in too long. Every night, I've been going to sleep wondering if the mission tomorrow is going to go horribly wrong and I'll never see you guys again, or if _your_ mission will go wrong and vice versa. I've just felt so unprepared and so not ready to put myself in those situations, but I've had to else I'd get punished. I dunno, maybe I _am_ spineless."

Roxas listened to all this then rubbed Demyx's back. "Well I can feel a spine."

"... at this point I'm not sure if you misunderstood the term 'spineless' or you're trying to cheer me up."

"..." Roxas' awkward grin said it was both, though more the former. The hopelessly innocent expression made Demyx at least manage a smile and he lightly cuffed the boy's head. "Learn something new everyday, huh, bro?"

"Heh, yeah."

The two blonds shared a quiet chuckle and settled down to rest again, hugging with Axel as their pillow.

"Demyx?"

"Mm?"

"... I... get what you mean. When you say you worry about the missions. Every Heartless kind of... scares me. Especially on solo missions. But because I have the keyblade, Xemnas keeps making me go fight them. And... I just want it to stop a while. I keep dreaming they're chasing me, and I'm only _just_ fast enough to get away. I'd like missions to just go away for a little while, and to do something fun. With you two."

Demyx rested his chin on Roax's head, closing his eyes. "Kid like you should be free to have fun and live his life. It's not fair. I don't like thinking of any of us not coming back from a mission, but you... that would really upset me. You didn't ask for this. Well, none of us did, but still. I've never had a younger brother, so you're special to me."

He paused to sigh, then smiled gently. "... listen to us. Axel would be making fun of us so bad if he was awake."

"He'd say we were being silly," Roxas agreed glumly, closing his eyes again.

"Maybe he'd be right. Heh, come on, we're stupidly tired: it's messing with our heads. S'get some sleep so we're not tired tomorrow."

"Kay. Night Demyx."

"Night Roxas. Sweet dreams."

"You too..."

As they both curled up to sleep together, their 'pillow' was unmoving. But he had been awake to hear the whole exchange. Troubled green eyes gazed into the now dead fire, thinking hard on what had been said, and how he could possibly help.

In all honesty, he felt entirely the same. He just didn't know how to say it.


	2. Chapter 1: Missing in Action

They had never known Axel to work so hard in all their lives. He would rise at dawn and train until Saix was awake, and then demand a mission, often before about half of the others had even risen. Surprised but hardly one to punish a good work ethic, Saix humoured him. Eventually Axel began requesting multiple missions a day. It came to the point where the only time Demyx ever saw him now was if he peeked into his room at night, and saw him sleeping. Once or twice he crept in and just sat on the bed, staring at him and asking – unanswered – "what's gotten into you, Axel?"

After a time, even Saix put a halt to this self-intensive routine, claiming Axel was doing himself more harm than good. Axel took to training for long hours instead, until he was let back on missions once more. Sometimes it got to the point where there were actually too few missions, leaving Axel frustrated and asking for a mission to be made up purely for him. No one knew what had gotten into him. He was doing the work of five people, every day, for several months now. He hid the stress and strain decently, until about four months in, when he started collapsing, getting snappy and zoning out entirely, leading to injury after injury, which in turn led to further frustration.

It upset Roxas greatly. He didn't get one glimpse of Axel at all nowadays. The last time he saw him, it had been for two seconds, as he passed a doorway fleetingly. The time before that had been at the campsite all those nights ago. It _hurt_. He tried to sneak into Axel's room at night, but Axel was always either not back from a mission, or out training somewhere. The one time Roxas had curled up in Axel's bed to wait for him, he woke up to find an extra blanket over him, and no other sign Axel had even been there. For all the teenager knew, it might have just been Demyx popping in and seeing him who had put the blanket there. Perhaps Axel hadn't come back at all that night. To Roxas' knowledge, Axel wasn't even eating. Had Axel even been in the castle lately? He tried to ask Saix but he just got a look and a reminder of his next mission.

He tried double-guessing where Axel might be. The obvious choice was to loiter around the Twilight Town clock tower. No sign of him. He next tried Radiant Garden. Then Agrabah. Then Wonderland. Land of Dragons. Halloween Town. Pridelands. Beast's Castle. Neverland. He even tried Atlantica. Nothing. He couldn't find him.

Saddened, the blond returned to the clock tower and hugged his knees; peering into the horizon with miserable eyes.

He heard a portal open. He gasped and snapped his gaze over his shoulder. His face fell a little in disappointment. Demyx didn't seem to mind.

"Thought I'd find you up here." The Nocturne took a seat beside him, swinging his legs off of the edge. He reached into a bag he had brought, and withdraw an ice cream, smiling weakly. "Hey... cheer up, bro."

Roxas accepted the ice cream but didn't eat it. That would be betrayal: he only ever ate ice cream up here with Axel. He gave an awkward, uncertain shift on his rear, then bowed his head in defeat, dreading the answer to his next question. "Demyx... did I imagine Axel?"

"... oh Roxas..." Demyx murmured in pity, face falling. "... c'mere." As Roxas leaned to him, he rubbed the teen's arm. "Of course Axel's real. He's just... not been around much lately."

"... doesn't he love us anymore?"

"Of course he does. I just wish I knew why he was doing this... I saw him last Tuesday, and he looked dead on his feet but still didn't have time to even say hi."

"Demyx?"

"Yeah?"

"... can we kidnap him?"

Demyx blinked, then chuckled, shaking a little with laughter. "That's a great idea, but first we'd have to catch him."

"We can use ice cream as bait."

"And a half-naked woman. I'm sure we could bribe Larxene or something to loiter around looking pouty and alluring with a bikini on."

"Maybe we could melt the ice cream on her."

"... wow. Roxas, I never expected you to be that pervy."

Roxas blinked innocently, looking almost worried. "... was that bad? Axel just told me once he had a dream about i-"

"Okay, okay, I don't need to hear the rest of that, thank you." Despite his blush, Demyx still laughed and rubbed Roxas' arm again. "Yeah... we'll figure something out, Roxas. We've kind of sat back and let Axel get away with it for a bit too long. I think it's time we at least made more effort to contact him."

"I haven't said a word to him since that night," Roxas lamented quietly.

"I once got a 'hi' out of him the other month."

"I just want to know he's okay."

"... let's write him a letter." Roxas frowned a little and glanced over. Demyx was looking out to the horizon, smiling a little. "It's obvious he's busy. So, chasing him down to talk to him won't do any good. We'd be lucky to even be able to catch him. But if we leave him a letter, he can read it whenever he has the time to."

"I'd like that, yeah. Can we do that?"

"Sure. My room or yours?"

"Yours. You have more writing stuff in there."

"Well duh; I _am_ an artist."

* * *

"Okay, let me spell check it."

Roxas slid the paper a little more towards Demyx, who folded his arms and leant over the desk to read better. "I'mma need reading glasses or something by next year, seriously," he sighed as he squinted a little.

_Axel,_

_Just writing to let you know we're thinking of you. Whatever you're up to, please don't let it go on much longer: we miss you so much. We've been getting wurried-_

Demyx casually corrected the 'u' into an 'o'.

_- and it's getting to the point where it hurts. We want you back to stay. Remember we love you, and you can always talk to us if something's bothering you. Your-_

Apostrophe and 'e'.

_You're the best big brother in all the worlds, and we don't want anybody else but you doing that job. Come home soon and say hi. Lots of love, Roxas + Demyx._

"Is it okay?" Roxas asked sheepishly. Demyx nodded and remarked, "you're really picking up your writing skills, man. Well done. Lemme... just add... a liiittttle... nooote... and done."

Roxas peered over to see what Demyx had added.

_P.S: WE HAVE LARXENE-FLAVOURED ICE CREAM. _

A crude little doodle of a stick-woman with Larxene's tell-tale antenna driving an ice cream truck slayed Roxas; Demyx watching with a smirk as the boy rolled on the floor giggling. "Whaaaat? It's a masterpiece! Shut up! If this doesn't make him come running, I don't know what will."

* * *

They waited all evening to see if Axel would make an appearance once they had left the note neatly folded on Axel's pillow. However when Roxas sneaked into the room just gone midnight, it was still there, untouched. Axel hadn't come home.

Disheartened, he slinked to Demyx's room next door and crawled under the covers. The Nocturne groggily grunted and opened his eyes in a squint. Once he vaguely realised who it was, he said not a word and simply spooned the teen, pulling the duvet closer over them both as if to substitute the warmth they had been missing for some months now.

The next morning Demyx awoke to find Roxas still slumbering in his arms, his face flushed and wet with tears. Pitying the boy, Demyx let him be and eased himself away to sit up and stretch. Sliding out the bed, he spent a time rearranging the covers to keep Roxas warm and snug, then dragged his feet to the bathroom to shower. He was just lathering his scalp when something cold and clammy poked his knee through the shower curtain. He screamed and had he not been a hydromancer, would have slipped, done an impressive flip and cracked his skull on the side of the bathtub. Instead he merely jumped and almost tore the curtain as he wrapped it around himself and peered out red-faced with a squeal. One of his Dancers stared back innocently. The sewn-on grin was _not_ helping the situation.

"Lulu, what have I told you about sneaking up on me in the _shower_!" he scolded, voice cracking in embarrassment and face turning redder. The Dancer just gave a twitch and swayed on the spot, then gave a neat little twirl, producing a folded piece of paper with a graceful flourish.

"_Master Axel requested I deliver this to you, Sire._"

He blinked, then at once leapt into action. "Lulu, go wait outside with that while I get decent."

"_Of course, Sire."_

He waited until she was gone before clambering out of the tub and hurriedly rubbing a towel over then wrapping it around his waist, striding out to where his Dancer was sat petting Roxas' head in his sleep. She noticed he was out and at once skated over to hand over the letter. She made to dance out but he caught her wrist and twirled her back before him. "How long ago did he give this to you?"

"_Approximately midway betwixt mids."_

"... I wish you guys spoke plain English." The Dancer just gave a twitch and swayed again. He frowned, thinking quickly. 'Midway betwixt mids.' Well, 'midway' was obviously in the middle, and 'betwixt' was between. 'Mids' he struggled with, but eventually settled for midnight and midday. So the middle between mids... "... 6am?"

He looked over at his bedside clock and bit his lip. He had overslept, it was currently 8:34am. "Why didn't you give this to me at once?"

"_Orders were to wait until you awoke, Sire."_

... Well, that was a douche move on Axel's part, deliberately avoiding them or any chance of them knowing he was around. This note had better explain that or when Demyx finally did get his hands on Axel, it wouldn't be pretty. He sighed and looked down at the note again. "Thank you, Lulu. That will be all."

She gave a skirtless curtsey then skated out, closing his door behind her. Demyx wafted the note against his other palm, lips pursed in thought on whether to wake Roxas first, or to read the note then wake him. He unfolded the paper for a quick glance, and saw Axel had already thought ahead, addressing one half of it to Demyx and the other to Roxas. He sat on the bed, idly stroking Roxas' hair with his free hand as he read his portion.

_Take care of him. I know you will, but I cannot stress enough: Take. Care. Of. Him. Until I'm home, you've got to be his big brother. Don't let anyone touch a hair on his head, and hold him when he cries. Make sure he always knows he's loved. I give you permission to chew my head off when I'm done with this, but until then, forget me: focus on Roxas. Love you guys: it hurts being away from you two, it honestly does. Can't say enough how much I love you two._

_P.S: BITCH PLEASE. ICE-CREAM FLAVOURED LARXENE IS WAY BETTER THAN LARXENE-FLAVOURED ICE CREAM. ;P _

... well that was a depressing, sweet and humorous mixture of messages. Demyx had no idea what to make of it at all. He considered reading Roxas' to see if things made more sense then, but decided against it. Axel had intended that part for Roxas' eyes, and it wouldn't be fair to pry without Roxas' okay. He looked over at the teen, then leant over. "Roxas..." he murmured softly, rubbing his shoulder. "Roxas, wake up. Axel left a note."

The boy didn't shift at first, but eventually rolled a little and sighed out a sleepy breath, before prying open his eyes. Demyx smiled down on him and dangled the paper over him. "From Axel," he beamed softly. At once Roxas' eyes widened and he eased himself up, reaching for the paper like a puppy begging by a barbeque. Upon receiving it, he instantly began to read; not the fastest reader but still drinking in every word. He grew a smile and mumbled quietly, "he says everything is fine, and he'll explain everything when he gets back next week... says to meet him in his room Tuesday night at 11!" He handed the paper over, and taking this as an invitation to read, Demyx took a look.

_Hey baby bro, this is Axel. I got your note, and it really helped me. I'm sorry I'm away so often lately, but believe me, I have the best reason in all the worlds. But it's a surprise. I can't tell you just yet. But come to my room, 11pm next Tuesday, and maybe I can shed some light. Love you guys, but you're my favourite (don't tell Demyx ;) ) and I really want to see you both soon. You're the best little brothers in the world, and I know how damn lucky I am to have you. Look after Demyx and don't be too mad at me: that's Dem's job._

_Love you like I had a heart, Rox. See you soon._

* * *

Tuesday couldn't come fast enough for Roxas. The boy had taken to heading to bed earlier under the impression that the days would pass quicker. Luxord had to sit him down and explain to him that time did not work that way, but still he didn't know what to do in the hours between sleep, where he had no choice but to wait. He passed time by moping face-down on his bed or the lounge couch, begging Luxord to speed up time, or simply snapping at people, then receding into his room to be alone and fidget.

Despite keeping it together a lot better than Roxas, Demyx too became anxious as the hours went by. Roxas was in pieces at being separated from Axel, of that there was no doubt, but Demyx too missed their friend and couldn't wait to be reunited. Playing his sitar helped, but the issue was that when he played, he put what was on his mind into his music: often without even realising. As such, all of his compositions echoed the lacking sensation his life felt lately. The fact he could even play into the wee hours of the morning uninterrupted was a reminder that the man who should have been thumping on their ajoining wall and complaining was not home. Where he should be.

It was the lull between Sunday and Monday that Roxas finally snapped. It was a cold night. It seemed with Axel so distant, the castle itself had lost some warmth. While Saix was still awake charting some potential new worlds, everyone else was in their bedroom; asleep or at least trying to get to that state. Demyx had piled on extra blankets, feeling goosebumps on his skin. It was so chilly he was certain his window must be ajar. Upon getting up to check, he found that no, it just really was that cold. Or maybe it wasn't: maybe he was just so worried about Axel, his body had decided to help amplify his worry with physical trickery. He bit his lip. Anxiety gnawed inside. Something told him to go to Roxas.

He found Roxas not in his bed like he should have been, but instead sat in his underwear at the bottom of his shower. The faucet was on full blast. With nearly freezing cold water. By the time Demyx swore, turned off the water and scooped Roxas up, the teenager was shivering hard; soaked through and chilled.

"Who taught you that?" Demyx hissed, practically dropping Roxas into his bed and throwing anything even vaguely blanket-like on top of him. "Who the hell taught you to do that?"

"Axel s-said-d i-if y-you stay-y out in th-the rain y-you get s-sick..."

Demyx was torn between being livid and being mortified. "Roxas, why do that?! _Why?_"

"M-make Axel c-c-come ho-home..."

The urge to beat the ever-loving crap out of the boy was overwhelming, but Demyx somehow managed to hold onto his sanity and instead prepared the lecture of a lifetime instead.

"Roxas, it is taking me every last bit of strength to not strangle you right now. Do you realise how fucking _selfish_ this was!? Oh, poor you, you miss Axel! Okay, we get it! We fucking get it! _He_ gets it! We _all_ do! _I_ do! You're not the only one missing him! I have nightmares, that he's somewhere far from everyone, _dying_ and none of us know! I wake up listening at my wall to see if I can hear breathing in his room! I deliberately play my sitar too loud and too long, wishing to hear him bitching at me! Here I am worrying my fucking ass off about him and you, and you go do this! You _ungrateful_ attention-seeking _brat_! Roxas, you are _better_ than this! What the _hell_ were you thinking? What the hell is _Axel_ gonna think? You think he'd be proud?! You think he's gonna pat you on the head and things will be better?! Hurting yourself isn't going to bring him back any faster! He's going to be ashamed of you! _I'm_ ashamed of you! While Axel's gone, I've been trying to look after you, I've been _trying_ to be _half_ as good as Axel is to you! But no, no, it's just not good enough is it, no, you just can't go on without _him_ here! I bet you wouldn't have done this if I was missing instead!"

Ah... now that bit wasn't meant to come out. But his mouth had run off with itself: too late.

"Fine, if tonight is 'let's all be fucking selfish' night, then my turn! What does this say about me? 'Oh, sorry Axel, our little brother who we'd both die for decided to self-fucking-harm himself because you weren't here! Sorry, is that a problem? It is? Well oh dear, seems like I am incapable of taking care of one fifteen year old boy! What a great friend I am, ha ha fucking ha!' God, who am I kidding? You've always been his favourite! Never mind that I've known him three years longer, oh no: no, it's you he cares about more, and it's him you prefer! I might as well just not even try anymore! I might as well be invisible for all the difference it makes! Third fucking wheel, always! Not once have you guys asked me to the clock tower, not once have you offered to invite me for ice cream, I have to invite myself! And if I argue with one of you, the other always picks your side! Well, enough! I'm trying, I'm _trying!_ So you wanna make yourself sick to death so Axel will come hug it better, what do _I _have to do to get even a thank you nowadays?! What do I do? Tell me! What do I have to do in order t-to just get some fucking recognition?! To get a hug! To maybe get a smile and a 'gee, it's real nice to see you'! Is that so much to ask for? Is it?"

By this time Roxas was actually crying, shaking harder from not only the cold now, but the devastating disgrace he felt. "I... d-didn't mean to..."

"Oh shut up," Demyx seethed, glaring at the wall. Already the guilt was settling heavily, like a rock in his belly. He should have shut up far sooner than he had... damn it all... He closed his eyes to try and calm himself. It only amplified Roxas' little shudders of sobs. "... I'm sorry. That... was really mean of me. I'm sorry." A shaken sigh, his eyes opening again as he sat on the edge of Roxas' bed, a hand on the lump under the covers. "... I'm sorry, Roxas. But I'm scared. And this hasn't helped. Please... promise me you won't do anything like this ever again. Promise me. Please."

"'k-kay..."

"No, really. Promise me you won't hurt yourself again..."

"I p-prom-mise I w-won't h-hurt myself a-again."

Demyx took a slow breath, then released it, calming down. "... I do care, Roxas. And I know you two do too. I just... feel so helpless. A lot. Even with you two by me, sometimes I get so scared so easily. Like I don't belong. I need you two. I need to know you've got my back, and that you'll let me be there to cover yours'. And... I'm terrified. Every waking moment, I'm terrified we're gonna get... bad news about him. Cus... I know he'd expect me to be strong, and to look after you. A-and I'm just... not good enough." He trailed off, then murmured, "I never have been. I'm nothing compared to him. I know that much."

Roxas didn't know what to say, shuddering against his pillows. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to imagine warmth. Demyx saw Roxas wasn't about to deny how far more preferable Axel's company would be, and just swallowed a horrible lump in his throat, getting up to fetch towels to get Roxas drier. As he returned and peeled back the covers only to lay towels atop the shaking teen, arms came up to wrap around his neck. He let them pull him down for a cuddle and he sighed, eventually relenting and laying beside him to let him cling. Pulling the covers back over them both, Demyx sniffed and tried not to cry. At least until Roxas was asleep.

It was becoming clear just how much of an impact Axel had made in their lives. You truly don't know what you have until it's gone, Demyx realised miserably, longing for Axel to come back and restore life to normal.

* * *

His body had ached for so long, without pause, he no longer moved the same. He numbly handed over his report, hand trembling from how pained his wrists and arms were at the simple offering of paper. Saix raised an eyebrow at him, but shooed him away. He was only happy to oblige, knowing that would be the last time in a long time he would have to hand in a report or even see Saix. Now, he began the slow trudge to his bedroom, readying himself for the shouting, the accusations, the disgrace, the angry faces.

But as Axel stiffly opened his door, he was met only with Roxas' wide, hopeful eyes and Demyx's slow smile. And he suddenly realised this had all been worth it, as that little blond teenager came at him with a tight hug around his middle.

"You're home..." Roxas wheezed in disbelief, not letting go and face hidden in Axel's abdomen.

"Yeah... I'm home, pal." Despite his aching bones, he knelt down and hugged him properly. Suddenly he didn't hurt so bad and though he was aware how sleep-deprived he was, he found a new wave of energy. "I'm honestly home this time..."

He looked up. Demyx was looming over them, arms folded, face unreadable. He held his gaze, slowly letting go of Roxas and standing up to receive his lecture.

"You made that boy cry almost every night, I hope you realise."

"I know... I'm-"

"He literally got sick with worry, hell we both did."

"I kno-"

"Not a single word from you the whole time, just a little note, which you deliberately had sent to us when you wouldn't be around to face up to it. It's been nearly a year, Axel."

"Dem..."

"Where's my fucking hug?"

Axel blinked, then relaxed a little, giving a sheepish smile as Demyx lunged for a tight hug too. Patting his back, the redhead found his smile growing as he asked, "dude, are you crying?"

"No," the miserable, muffled voice insisted from Axel's chest. Roxas was absolutely bursting with relief and pride, aglow with the sheer warmth of welcome that made Axel stupidly grin back until he started to laugh and he pulled their youngest into the embrace again.

"God I missed you guys... I owe you two such a fucking apology."

"Damn right you do."

"Just as long as you're home..." Roxas murmured, closing his eyes and absorbing the warmth.

"I sure am... I guess I have a lot of explaining to do, huh...?"

"You think?"

They pulled apart, still smiling and seemingly all suddenly exhausted from the reunion. Axel rubbed the back of his head then sat on the edge of his bed. He felt dizzy. Nonetheless, they wanted an excuse for this absence and rightly so. He took a slow breath, then looked to them.

"I kind of had an idea a while back, before I started going all radio silence on you guys. More specifically, that night out camping ages ago." He paused, but at no interruption, took that as a sing to continue. "And I got thinking, well... that night was one of the best I'd had in so long. And to think we'd possibly never get that chance again? No way was I gonna let that happen. So... well... I went to Xemnas, to see if I could negotiate anything."

Demyx slowly widened his eyes, already seeing where this is going, but Axel continued, "I wanted to give us all the break we deserved. Y'know: a real, good, long break. But, well... quotas needed meeting, missions needing keeping on top of. To sign off three of us – Rox especially – was an outright 'no' from the boss. So I decided to... well... make him see the workload wouldn't suffer. And when he caught on what I was doing, he decided to set me some conditions. If I did the work of five people for a solid year, plus half of your missions, then us three could be excused from duties for a few months."

"... oh Axel..."

"Axel..." Roxas sat beside him. "... you did that?"

The redhead nodded sheepishly.

"No wonder you look terrible."

"I love you too, Dem," he managed a little grin. "But, yeah... heh, starting tonight we have three whole months and two weeks off to do whatever, go wherever, basically be free to be us."

"Three months?"

"Holy crap... shit man, I don't know what to say... that's insane... that's..."

Axel chuckled. "Just a 'thanks' will do, guys."

Roxas grinned and hugged him tightly again. "Thanks, Axel."

"Yeah, seriously, shit we owe you..." Demyx grinned, but still looked taken aback. "... Axel... you're really not looking so hot..."

"I'm fine... I'm just tired..."

"N...no... Iiii'm more talking about the blood coming from your coat that's just stained Roxas' hand right now." Even as he said it Demyx was moving forward with some urgency to examine him. Axel blinked as Roxas pulled away, and looked down, unzipping his coat. His torso was absolutely covered in bruises and wounds, but Axel seemed to disregard them all in favour of the deep wound that curved from his spine, round his side and into his naval. It was bleeding black; obviously quite severe.

"Oh... that," he remarked, as if only just reminded of it.

"Jesus Christ..." Demyx immediately placed both his palms onto it to heal it, green magic glowing. "The hell have you been doing?!"

"The work of five people, remember?"

"Didn't you ever rest?!"

"... eh heh."

"Why are you not freaked out that your whole left side is bleeding!?"

"I'm fiiine, s'just a flesh wound."

Roxas facepalmed softly as Demyx sealed the wound. Then stood upright. "You're going to the infirmary asap, Axel."

"Oh come on, I'm fine."

"No you're not. The vacation can wait: you need help."

"I just need some sleep, honest."

Demyx stared at him, incredulous, his bloodied hands out as if to further show Axel ,_ 'I have your fucking blood up my arms, you are not okay'._ Axel got to his feet, looking imploring. "Honestly, I'm touched, but I'm fine. Alright? I'm standing aren't I?"

"Ax, you've been working solidly for pretty much a whole year," Roxas put in, also worried. The redhead sighed and said firmly, "I'm absolutely fine. Honest. I'm just tired."

They watched as he suddenly lost his balance and keeled over. After he hit the floor, he groaned, then insisted in a suddenly very giddy, small voice, "I'm okaaay!"

"You get his ankles," Demyx sighed to Roxas, leaning down to lift Axel by his wrists as he opened a portal to the infirmary.


End file.
